Retirement Plan by Linda Stitt

When I am ancient - in a year or two,
and they figure I’m only fit for glue,
I’ll have had the time to think it through
and I’ll do some things I’ve been waiting to do.
I’ll be finicky, crotchety and crabby
and I’ll sit in the sun with an old grey tabby
and a chubby chihuahua on my lap
and I’ll give no quarter and take no crap.
And I’ll pull no punches and I won’t be kind
if it dulls the edge of the yataghan mind
which I’ll subdivide with my rapier wit
and I’ll give everybody a piece of it
tactless and indiscreet, albeit —
the truth according to how I see it,
with instructions on how the world should run
and almost everything ought to be done.
And no one will ever dare talk back
for fear it might give me a heart attack.
But I’ll be a wise and tough old bird
with a stubborn insistence on being heard
and I’ll stay around until I’m finished
with all my faculties undiminished
and my eyes will be clear and my hands will be steady
and I’ll die when I’m damn good and ready

~ from Adjust Your Set (Natural Heritage Books, 1997)